One of the biggest concerns among people entering recovery for drugs or alcohol is that rehab will lead to loneliness and isolation. Entering addiction recovery often means radically changing one’s lifestyle and giving up some friends who refuse to get clean and sober themselves.
As a result, you may struggle to find the support network that you need. While there’s no easy solution to this problem, many recovering addicts deal with it by doing damage control. Isolation during recovery can easily lead to relapse, and the key is to find ways to deal with feelings of loneliness without letting them destroy all your hard work.
If you’re worried that you may face isolation during the early stages of your recovery, keep these ideas in mind.
Make Your Own Community
Many addicts feel that if they could only find a warm and understanding community, then they would have no difficulty in their recovery. Having a support network means that you never have to keep your feelings bottled up inside, and you always have someone to talk to when you feel one of those moments of weakness coming on. Fear that one will be unable to find this community is what stops many people from getting needed addiction treatment.
Finding a community that you feel a part of can be challenging. Recovery support groups are an incredible resource for many people, but not everyone is going to click with their group. Even if you give it your best effort, there’s no guarantee that your group meetings are going to feel welcoming week in and week out.
If you reach this point, you might want to single out a few people in your group whom you can imagine being friends with and make an effort to talk to them one on one. If things go well, it could develop into a small community outside of 12-Step meetings.
If these steps fail, consider going online and participating in addiction support forums. There are some very welcoming and thriving addiction support communities online. If you don’t find one that you like, then you might consider starting your own or even just writing a public blog about your struggles through recovery
Reconnect With Loved Ones
In recovery, you’ll want to avoid friends who are still abusing drugs or alcohol, and for many addicts this leads to a significant net loss in friends. As a result, this might be a good time to reconnect with people from whom you may have distanced yourself during your addiction. Maybe you have siblings you don’t talk to very often, or perhaps you have some sober friends who haven’t played a big role in your life for some time. It can’t hurt to give these people a call and catch up.
It can be tricky reconnecting with loved ones. Some may have feelings of bitterness toward you for losing touch with them and allowing your addiction to control your life. If any of your old friends or loved ones have trouble letting you back into their lives, try to understand where they’re coming from. Be gently persistent without forcing a relationship upon them. Call when you say you’re going to call, and keep touching base with them from time to time.
One of the great things about recovery is that Facebook and other social networking services give us an easy, no-pressure way to connect and stay in touch with our old friends and loved ones. If someone you care about is a little standoffish toward you right now, you can use your social networking connection to demonstrate that you are staying healthy and committed to living a positive life in the long term. If they’re continuously aware of your presence online and you are clearly not abusing drugs or alcohol, they’ll be more likely to warm up to you.
Dating in Recovery
Most addiction treatment specialists recommend against dating during the first year of recovery. Some people break this rule and do fine, but the potential dangers are too great to risk it. The fact is that most relationships don’t last, and dealing with the emotional ups and downs of a failed relationship and the subsequent break-up can be enough to drive even the strongest recovering addict to relapse.
During the first year of recovery, you’ll want to avoid emotional volatility as much as possible. And because new relationships are one of the biggest sources of emotional volatility, they should be out of the question for now.
Even when you’re facing loneliness, it’s best not to give in to the temptation during these early stages. A new relationship will only pull you out of yourself during this time when you should be focusing on finding your personal path. Try to embrace being single for now.
Find Your Own Path
Even if you take all the appropriate measures for avoiding isolation in early recovery, you’ll probably feel alone a lot of the time. This is simply due to the fact that recovery is ultimately a self-guided process. You get help from your treatment professionals and community, but you’re the one who has to do the soul-searching and make changes. Thus, recovery is an inherently lonely process, and it’s important to keep in mind that this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
During these first months of recovery, you should be doing everything you can to stand on your own feet and find a path to a healthier and happier life. For this to be sustainable, it needs to be self-guided and self-built. Most friends and family mean well, but they can also have an influence that you might not necessarily want as you’re trying to find your path. Now is the time to take your own counsel and to follow where your heart leads you. It’s important to have support, but in the end, your recovery is about you.
